-2 Weeks Solo Traveling Cambodia (mid-end of April 2025)
Journal Snippets
I got to my new hostel in Phnom Penh with new excited energy and the young local staff does not match my energy and excitement. The hospitality and warmth of the hostel in Ho Chi Minh is long gone. It’s little things like that that make huge difference.
So I get to my room and am so glad I got bottom bed and AC is cold because hallways no AC and feels boiling . I put my stuff down and check out rooftop and restaurant and see every lounge chair occupied by 20-something year old on their phone.
Then back in my room I am feeling down again.
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Choosing the right people to hang around is everything. Stop chasing/hanging around people who don’t make you feel good. I’m so happy to be free from everyone. Already feel so much lighter. I truly felt the idea of when you feel more alone with the wrong people than being alone.
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I’m happy again. Exhausted from crying this morning but I feel like me again. I got lunch, booked the hostel and already extended it for two nights and only $5 a night on the dorm! walked around town, played with two friendly adorable little girls lifting them up spinning them around giving them piggy back rides. Paid $1.25 to ride these little kid motorized vehicles and felt so happy. The locals are happy and friendly and smile back. I just needed to be on my own.
It’s a constant reminder that I like to explore places on my own, and how important it is to first be on my own and fill up my own cup and then I’m happy and ready to socialize and talk about my day and my experience . But if the only thing I do is socialize all day and don’t have time for myself, I am super unhappy. I have to keep making this mistake apparently to keep re-learning over and over again what I need and how to take care of myself.
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I really want to hole up here for a full week. Everything lends itself for it. I am no longer in a rush to get somewhere. I find this place charming. The hostel is super comfortable, not social but after all the social upheaval I am content being on my own and not socializing. The food is here is delicious. So many lounge areas. Lots to do in the area to keep me entertained- a national park is nearby, I’m joining a tour tomorrow. Because it’s so hot it’s perfect to balance it with rest as I feel really exhausted with all of the emotional distress I’ve been under. I finally have time to read.
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The world awaits my friends. I get knocked down, I get back up again. Again and again, it repeats. Family and strangers save me with love and kindness. The good ones show up for you. The sun sets and rises. And if I’m lucky, I’ll be here for it.
I set out for six months, and will see it though, so help me God.
I am slowly gaining my energy back, my appetite, my desire to live and explore again. I am still too tired to venture out – although I may go for a short walk. I want to see the sun set and hear the kids giggle.
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Every time I take a step I can feel the wound on my left knee. Crazy how I paid no attention to it up until today. Just looked like a normal scab to me and didn’t feel a thing until I saw it oozing today and then felt it hurt a bit when walking.
Woke up with eyes being stuck to sockets. Still feel exhausted. Wondering if I’ll ever feel better again 🙁 I just want to be home. Fuck travel. I’ve had enough of this. I just want to be around people that will care for me.
If I’m lucky enough to pull through this – let this teach me to have more compassion for others.
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Suddenly it dawned on me that I have a Plan B- I don’t know how I would get there – but another option is to leave SE Asia and go to Colombia and Ecuador. For reasons I can’t explain, I knew that after SE Asia, Colombia and Ecuador would be next for me.
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So back to hospital. There is no AC, no disposable paper placed on the patient bed. The nurse treated my wound under the doctor’s supervision. She took a scalpel to it and it felt all kinds of wrong, but at least my bloodwork came back normal-no sepsis. That’s a relief. They told me to come back tomorrow for another round of “wound treatment”.
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I hold these truths to be self evident:
- No one is coming to save you but yourself
- No one is here physically to take care of me; to encourage me to go outside – I need to practice self care
- I am responsible for my own happiness
- Getting knocked down so many times is a reminder of the fragility of life
- When I’m feeling well- either emotionally or physically- I never think I’ll feel unwell/sick again. Similarly, when I’m unwell, I never think I’ll feel better again.
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Positive news folks:
I am slowly regaining my energy and venturing outside of hostel and my bed!
